faux_shizzle

You could write a book on how to ruin someone's perfect day
well i get so confused and frustrated
forget what i'm trying to say, oh

I'm sick and tired of your reasons
I got no one to believe in
you tell me that you want me, then push me around
and i need you like a heartbeat
but you know you got a mean streak
makes me run for cover when you're around
here's to you and your temper
yes, i remember what you said last night
and i know that you see what you're doing to me
tell me why..

i told you i'm not bulletproof
now you know


I love Taylor Swift annd i hate men.

I was really sick last week.  On my death bed with tonsillitis forrrr the third time.  I hate it.  I'm gunna have to get them removed because this is getting seriously ridiculous.  The pain is like nothing I have ever felt in my entire life.  I was up almost all of Tuesday night bawling my little eyeballs out.  :(
My birthday was Friday, which put a TON of pressure on me to feel better ASAP.  I ended up feeling ok, and I had an awesome birthday.  I love my family and friends so much.  Ed let us watch the rochester city fireworks from the top of our building which was probably one of the coolest things I have ever done.

One eyed willie and cooper are friends now.  yay.

So, weight loss update.  I haven't lost any more pounds, but I have dropped another pant size in the last two weeks.  I hate having to keep buying jeans and dress pants, it's so expensive...but then again, I can't really complain either...haha
20 more pounds to go before I'm a happy girl.  Or at least two more pant sizes.  I wanna be an 8!

in other news, i have AWESOME news.  more on that in a few weeks...

While last week was a shit fest, things are looking up.
This weekend was my sister's grad party.  Unfortunately, it rained the entire time.  Boohoo.
Fathers day was excellent.  I got a new kitten who only has one eyeball.  We named him One Eyed Willie.  haha



He is the craziest cat in the world.  I love him.  Cooper is finally warming up :)

Work is insane.  I don't feel motivated to do anything. 
Luckily, things with the Private Investigators are looking better and better each time I talk to them.  I'm crossing my fingers.

This week is going to be absolutely nuts.   Thursday is Kristin's graduation ceremony, Saturday is Gram & Gramps 60th wedding anniversary and Saturday night is Latoya's 25th Bday party.  My Birthday is next freaking Friday.  Totally didn't realize that until I just looked at my work calender.  Gunna be 24.  I'm a grandma.

I'm still going to the gym every day.  I'm sooo sore.  I think I may have actually gained weight, which makes me want to slit my wrists.  It's fine though, I just need to get into the habit of working out.  That's really the hardest part.  Right now I don't have any real distractions, so I keep motivated to go. 

WOW.  I'm getting seriously annoyed.  Could you please smother me some more?  I JUST MET YOU.  You don't miss someone after one week.  It's not possible.  I really don't want to have to ignore you, but it's going to happen because i just peace out when i get annoyed.  grrr.

AND THEN i have to deal with complete dicks on the other end of the spectrum who i THOUGHT  had a soul and then apparently  just don't.  real cool.  i wish i could just let people walk in and out of my life without a care too.


i'm going to be asexual.  hahaha

hokay, so.

October 2008 I weighed 205 pounds.
November 2008 I weighed roughly 195 pounds.
Somewhere between then and now I lost another 30 pounds.

Current weight as of 2 seconds ago = 164.3

Goal weight = 135

Days not smoking = 1

see ya.

Julie: clearly, someone was misinformed when Romance movies were for some reason removed from the Fantasy genre, and given a genre of their own.  if you ask me, most chick flicks are "fiction characterized by highly fanciful or supernatural elements." the supernatural elements of course, being that romantic men do indeed exist.
Christi:  i think they have their own genre because: unlike MOST fantasy films, it's easier to fool yourself that romantic men exist. so romantic movies are more like, "fantasy movies that are more easy to trick yourself into."
like, duh, no one can see a unicorn.
or mermaids.
or spaceships (okay most people can't).
but you can see a guy and lie to yourself when he brings you flowers.  "ohhh isn't he ROMANTIC?"
no. he just wants to penetrate your vag.
Julie: we're doomed.

I've been exercising like crazy. I'm taking out all my frustrations at the gym. It's insane how much violent anger I have; and how quickly it dissolves after working out. Dan has been going with me every day and made me an awesome workout plan that I'm going to follow. I'm trying to do 40 mins of cardio and 20 mins of weight training 5 days a week. Hoping to lose AT LEAST another 20lbs by the end of the summer, which Dan seems to think is totally plausible. I think if I couple that with a kick ass diet, I can lose more if I want to. If so, I will be incredibly pumped.
I really need to focus on me for a while, and I don't want any distractions from this goal.
I really need to quit smoking. There are a million reasons why I shouldn't be, and I'm just being lazy about it.

My mom got into a pretty serious car accident yesterday. She's fine, but definitely shook up. She had some chest x-rays done and they found a pulmonary node. She has to go back for tests to see if it's benign or malignant. =/ crossing my fingers and hoping everything is going to be just fine.

I have like 8 million other things all going on at once right now. I feel like I'm being pulled in a million directions, which I hate. I deal with stress in a terrible way.


"And she used to fall down a lot
That girl was always falling
Again and again
And I used to sometimes try to catch her
But I never even caught her name"

I'm in a rut.
Ever since November, things have been going wrong left and right.
I don't feel as though it's attributed to anything in particular aside from the fact that karma is indeed, a bitch.
Some days, I feel like a truly horrible person. I spent 3 years sharing my life with someone, for it to mean absolutely nothing. I'm afraid that someone is going to come along and do to me what I did to him. Sometimes you can't help but miss your old life.
In this moment, I'm just glad I followed my gut. I know that I can make a better life for myself by being completely alone than through changing for someone else.

So, I've somewhat narrowed down what I think I want to do with my life. I have two solid options.
A) buy a house in rochester, and then go back to school at Onondaga.

B) move to NC, establish residency, find a job and then go to UNC Wilmington for Criminology.

Problems with A: The most I can pre-qualify for is not enough to buy a house. If i buy a house, I'm stuck in Rochester. I also need room mates, and that's never a sure thing.

Problems with B: Being away from my family and friends. I don't know if I can be away from them. I guess it's both a blessing and a curse that I'm not in a serious relationship, because that would make this decision very hard. In addition to that, Criminology might not be the best career choice. While I'm interested in the subject matter, I don't know that I could really find a job unless I go on to get my PHD and teach somewhere. Oh, and I don't know a soul in Wilmington.

I'm not happy as it currently stands, and changes need to be made. I don't want to be empty and stuck in routine.
I want to find things and people to care about. Ideally, I'd like to find people who are capable of caring back. I'm getting so sick of wasting my time on those who only come around when it's convenient for them.
I wish I still had the nerve to remove the people from my life who don't matter. Why am I always trying to hold on, even when it's become so apparent that there's nothing to hold on to?
I need something more than this. I need a connection. I know what it feels like, I've had it before. Why do I keep settling for less?
I need to start accepting the truth for what it is, and move on. I can't keep fooling myself.

i'm on a BOAT

I thought I'd write, I thought I'd let you know
In the year since you've been gone I've finally let you go
And I hope you find some time to drop a note
But if you won't
Then you won't
And I will consider you gone
I know that you went straight to someone else
While I worked through all this shit here by myself
And I think that you should spend some time alone
But if you won't
Then you won't
And I will consider you gone
I wake up in the night
All alone and it's alright
The chemicals are wearing off
Since you've gone
The days go on, the lights go off and on
And nothing really matters when you're gone
If you think that you feel nothing at all
If you don't (If you don't)
Then you don't (No, you won't)
If you won't
Then you won't
And I will
Then I will
Yeah, and I will consider you gone

is dead.

Isaac booked our flights to Egypt today! We leave on October 7 and come back on October 23! So excited.

The main reason I'm posting is because our tenants are moving out (they bought their own house) at the end of April, and we need to find someone else to rent! The following is Isaac's craigslist posting.

Hello,

I own a duplex in the Monroe Avenue area, and rent the large, nicely finished one-bedroom apartment on the first floor. More than one person could comfortably live in it. Because the owner (me) lives in the building, any repairs or problems are solved quickly.

APARTMENT INCLUDES:

Front porch
Full size living room
Full size dining room
Full kitchen with breakfast-bar style counter
Large bedroom with spacious closet
Full bathroom
Back porch
Free laundry in basement
Storage space in basement
Most utilities (see below)

The apartment was renovated in 2007, and has new carpets, a completely redone bathroom, and new paint throughout. The windows in the living room and dining room are large, attractive leaded glass designs that are over 100 years old. Other windows in the apartment are new energy efficient models installed in 2007. There have never been smokers in the house.

$700.00 a month
Water, electricity, gas, and heat are included. There is a $100 surcharge for heating in the months of November, December, January, and February.

No dogs.
$25 extra per month for a clean, well behaved cat.
No other pets (including fish).
No smoking.

The area is a safe, clean neighborhood in the up and coming Monroe Avenue/Park Avenue area of the city. Many popular bars and restaurants on Monroe and Park are within walking distance.

Available to move in May 1st. Security deposit equal to one month's rent required.

Please call 585-747-0021 or email in response to this listing if interested or to schedule a time to see the apartment.


So if you know of anyone looking, let me know!

i don't eeven know how i signed into my name. we are having a pary and i am drunker than ever. isaac gave my gave amretto. i am drunk

i neglect livejournal because so much has been going on and i don't want to write it all.

maybe i'm just LAZY

today at lunch i walked down to the park where they're having summer concerts.
this guy was smoking, and threw his cigarette into the bushes, and it started one on fire.
no one even noticed except for me, and i started laughing and couldn't stop. I just stood there and laughed uncontrollably while the guy freaked out and stomped all over that bush.

it was priceless.

I don't understand why people do open casket viewings. It's extremely disturbing to me that people would want to see someone they love all embalmed with sawdust for brains lying in a casket wearing nice clothes, with creepy makeup and their hair all done. The person never looks like how you want to remember them.
I also am extremely disturbed by the weird rituals of the catholic faith. At my great grandma's viewing, they read the rosary. I find it strange for someone to say something over and over, really fast. Especially when it's all "save me from the fires of hell, i'm a sinner, etc. etc." It's morbid, and it doesn't even have any meaning when it's read all monotone and creepily.
I just want to be cremated with a memorial service or something. People should talk about awesome memories. It makes it such a better experience. The person is dead. Looking at them dead and talking about hell doesn't help me feel better about it. I doubt it makes anyone feel better.

anyway...
I'm moving in with Isaac soon. I'm pretty excited.

lets discuss for a moment how retarded my boss is.
he:
* does not know how to forward an email, so everytime he needs to do this -- he calls me into his office to do it for him
* every time i have to email a client, i have to do it from his computer, because he won't extend internet to us, his employees. Because of this, we also have to call 411 a million times a day for out of county phone numbers.
* he doesn't know how to use excel. this is stupid because it is where we keep a total of over 10,000 files that he needs to acess on a daily basis. Example of how this sucks:
5pm on a friday. client calls as we are walking out the door. he runs out of his office and says: "JULIE!! IS YOUR COMPUTER STILL ON?? I NEED FILE MANAGEMENT"
me: No, it's 5pm...i shut it down.
boss: "JEN!!! is your computer on???????? (he is FRANTIC).
jen: No...
me: MISTER BOSS, IS YOUR COMPUTER ON???
boss: yes.
me: Look, retard. we access file management through the company folder which is on your fucking desktop.

I wish i could have said that.
the man has no idea how to even open excel.
nor does he understand HOW he might have it on HIS computer. it's a fucking shared folder.

also, he finds his spam emails amusing, and prints them out and shows everyone everytime he gets one. wow, spam. awesome.

i want to kill myself in his presence.

he also has this tendency to flex his nonexistent muscles and groan and sigh until you look up at him. he'll like stand in the doorway and talk about the weather until you acknowledge him all while flexing and moaning. granted, this man is like 350 pounds, and while he works out everday, he does not have anything but a wendy's gut. gross.


EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. just needed to vent. kbye!

just putting it out there that i'm looking for an APARTMENT. so, if you're looking for one too, and you think you might want to live with me, then let me know! my lease is up at the end of august...bleh!

no one will respond to this.

meet my cat.

his name is cooper.

ScandLusGurL4EVA: hi mom
ScandLusGurL4EVA: im bad
ScandLusGurL4EVA: and u cant ground me
ScandLusGurL4EVA: hahaha
ScandLusGurL4EVA: weenie
ScandLusGurL4EVA: schhkipiddy sckave shkafen hafen


i miss ireland!